JUSTICE'S DILEMMA
by GoldAngel2
Summary: After what happened at Rain Dinners...doubts about himself plague the once invincible marine captain...


_Author's note: Here's a one-shot that hit me after seeing the Alabasta Arc. I love seeing tough guys that seem unflappable become aware of their flaws as what happened to Smoker when Zoro saved him from drowning. And I saw how close he and Tashigi are so I figured she could help him as he wrestled with his doubts. As usual, I don't own these characters; they were created by Eiichiro Oda and are licensed by Funimation and Viz. _

**JUSTICE'S DILEMMA**

The Marine headquarters in Loguetown was a subdued place of late since the much publicized defeat of the crime syndicate Baroque Works run by the sinister Crocodile. The platoon had been at Alabasta in the midst of the fray, mostly because Captain Smoker had been adamant in chasing after Monkey D. Luffy and his band of Straw Hat Pirates when they fled. However, when fortune smiled on him and he intercepted a communiqué from the crime boss the marine captain saw the chance to kill two proverbial birds with one stone and nab them both. However, it did not turn out that way because as the captain had chased the pirates into Crocodile's lair they all were captured and nearly eliminated as the crime boss sent his giant reptile namesakes to finish them off. But the lone crew member of the Straw Hats who had eluded capture, Sanji the cook had come to the rescue just as water from the surrounding moat was pouring into the below sea level chamber, which had served as Crocodile's conference room. All of them had been sucked into the water and managed to make it back to the surface but the pirates had also in fact pulled their nemesis the marine captain to safety as he had lost conscious. So when the platoon had been reunited with their leader and tried to go after them he mysteriously ordered them to let the pirates go. When asked for the reason why, Smoker said nothing and did not offer any explanation except that he was tired. And that is exactly how he had felt, tired and beaten; fully aware of his shortcomings. So on the voyage home he had isolated himself then when arriving at headquarters at the break of dawn told the men to take liberty then left terse orders to Tashigi that she was in charge and he was not to be disturbed as he barricaded himself behind the closed door of his office.

Finally away from the unanswered questions the marine captain sought solace by two means, first going behind his desk and taking out a bottle of 150 proof rum and having a long drought. Then removing two smoldering stubs of cigars from his mouth, he crushed them out in his ashtray only to replace them with two fresh ones. He flicked his Zippo and tendered the flame to the tips to light them, drawing deeply and puffing out huge gray clouds that drifted to the ceiling and immediately spread in a growing haze that filled the room. He then sat wearily down, propping his booted feet on the desk and placing his hands behind his head as he rested…or at least tried to. But the demons of doubt and defeat were taking great delight in tormenting him as losing track of time he brooded for several hours, finishing one pair of cigars only to fire up another.

On the outside before his platoon Captain Smoker exuded confidence bordering on arrogance like he did cigar smoke, plentifully. But once inside the confines of his office Smoker allowed himself the luxury of bitter self loathing, mentally berating himself for the double failure of having allowed both of his prime quarries escape; almost unthinkable since he took command of the Loguetown branch of the Marines. Since then he had built up the reputation of meting out swift and deadly punishment to the gaggles of pirate crews that frequented the East Blue coastal town based on his motto of justice, like the Japanese kanji proclaimed on the back of his jacket. But now his ironclad sense of justice that had ruled his life ever since he had come up the ranks was the trouble and the cause of his duress. Because of that sense of justice he had felt impelled to let the Straw Hats go because the truth was he owed them his life. And that frustrated the hell out of him.

"Damn it to hell!" Smoker snarled as he swung his long legs off the desk and began to pace, puffing furiously as he strode to and fro, smoke pouring from him like a laboring locomotive further beclouding the air. The windows were closed so with no place to go the clouds hung heavy in the atmosphere, thickening like an incoming fog bank soon blocking out the light.

_This sucks…it's almost freaking unbearable…I still can't believe it. That I was so careless to allow myself to be captured is bad enough but to have been almost drowned if not for that damned Straw Hat Zoro…son of a bitch!_

The marine captain plopped himself on the divan tipping his head up as his arms were spread on the cushion back staring up into the smog he created; eyes focused on the twin coals of his cigars, the plumes swirling up in rings and curls that spread like wraiths. He watched the smoke intently as if searching for answers in the drifting pall.

_I guess it's my own damned fault. After being almost defeated by that little twerp in the center of town it became my obsession to capture him and his gang. But really it started when I watched that buffoon Buggy the Clown on the execution platform get ready to do my job on Luffy and I saw the little shit smile just before the blade touched him and Providence intervened…just like Gold Roger before he was skewered and sent to the netherworld. Two faces that I can't get out of my mind melded into Luffy's and I abandoned my post here to chase after him. Ha, what an idiot!_

Scowling darkly Smoker clamped his teeth down on the cigars and took another long draw, blowing out a stream of smoke that he swore formed into the Jolly Roger, skull and crossbones; universal symbol of pirates as it spread and rose, leering down at him as if gloating. Eyes narrowed as he confronted the mocking image he removed the cigars from his mouth and began a surly diatribe…

"Laughing at me, eh? Well I suppose you have the right because I played right into it…ever since I was a kid and saw Gold Roger laugh in the face of death I was mesmerized by the fearless evil that were pirates. And then when I grew older I wanted to confront them…filled with the useless sense of idealism that comes with youth I wanted to change the world so I enlisted in the marine forces. Then I saw firsthand what you scum were capable of…"

Smoker jumped to his feet and continued in the same vein, his anger kindled and burning. He roared, "You take what you want when you want, sending fear into the people you victimize. Then when someone confronts you and faces you fairly defeating you then grants the mercy you begged for when his back is turned you kill him…the coward's way with a knife in the back…you lowlife bastards! Regardless of what happened in Alabasta with those damned Straw Hats it still gives me extreme pleasure to shorten your life spans when I can! And you can bet your ass I will!"

Incensed, the marine captain waved at the apparition formed in the smoky air and to wash the both it and the bitter memories it evoked away stalked over to his desk and grabbed the rum. Gulping down hefty swallows until he finished the bottle Smoker then took it and hurled it at the far wall shattering it to pieces. The sound had reverberated and had been loud enough so the door swung open and Tashigi and the ensign rushed in.

"Captain Smoker sir, are you alright? We heard you yelling and then a crash in here." The dutiful sergeant-major asked as the ensign stood saluting, his face in a cold sweat.

In response her captain turned around slowly, placing his cigars back in his mouth and finding that they had gone out he flicked his Zippo and re-lit them.

"Captain, sir?"

"Ummph?" he replied, his mouth full of smoke as he puffed them back to life.

Tashigi nodded at the ensign and gestured to the door so he obeyed and exited, closing the door. She took a semi-deep breath in the pungent air and came to confront her captain.

"Begging your pardon sir, but you've been closed up in here since we arrived back early this morning."

Smoker snapped the lighter shut and blew out another gray plume. "What's your point, sergeant-major?" He went over to sit on the divan, with his legs stretched out and head tilted back, the cigars resembling twin smokestacks sending gray streams snaking upward.

"Well, uh…" She went to the window and asked brightly, "Would you like me to let some fresh air in here, sir?" She stifled a cough as the billowing cigar smoke enveloped her.

Smoker replied gruffly, "Is that why you came in here?"

"Well sir…it's just that if you opened the window you could see what a nice day it's become…with lots of sunshine."

The captain squinted at her as if she had lost her mind and sighed, "With all due respect sergeant-major, I'm just not in a sunshine mood."

Tashigi was undaunted. "But sir, confining yourself in here with so much smoke just isn't healthy." It was a lame comment knowing what her captain's response would be but she was skirting the real issue. And as she figured he eyed her incredulously.

Smoker then threw his head back and laughed, "Come on Tashigi don't yank my chain…you know damned well that I always close myself in here since it is my office and when I'm in here it'll be filled with smoke. And I've been smoking cigars since I was thirteen and have never been healthier since unlike cigarettes you don't inhale cigar smoke into your lungs. So why don't you tell me the real reason you came in here to see me."

She bit her lip, hesitating as she knew the captain detested prying but then plunged in with the boldness of a trusted second in command. "Sir I know what happened in Alabasta is troubling you."

Smoker tilted his head up and leaned forward slowly. "Come again?"

She saw his guard come up and proceeded carefully. "Sir, the incident at Rain Dinners, Crocodile's casino…the men and I were very worried when you disappeared."

He leaned back with a sigh. "Is that so?"

Tashigi nodded, "When you came up missing after chasing down the Straw Hats we combed the city looking for you." She lowered her head and added, "But we kept coming up empty and began to wonder."

Thoughtful and somewhat guilty, the captain drew deeply on his cigars, the coals glowing and then studied his second through the expelled cloud. "Go on," he urged.

"Well sir when we discovered that the casino had been destroyed we feared for the worst." She lowered her head as she remembered praying that their captain was all right. "Then the corporal found you alive and well we knew you had found a way to survive, just like always…that's what makes you a fine leader and a good commander." Tashigi looked up at him with guileless admiration and smiled making him feel even worse.

"Yeah," Smoker grunted sarcastically as he rolled the cigars to the other side of his mouth while he inwardly scoffed _some fine leader…leaving my troops while I chase after what's become my Holy Grail…then I end up being captured and nearly drowned and devoured…if not for Zoro's action I'd have become the crocodile's next meal…then to have been dragged from my potential watery grave by those damned…_

"Tashigi, would you really like to know what happened at Rain Dinners?" he asked mildly, almost pleasantly as he pulled the cigars from his mouth. "As I recall, I never told you."

"You left right after we found you…then when you came back you seemed…changed."

Smoker studied the smoldering tips. "I suppose it would appear that way." He sighed and said, "Well, a _good _commander should be accountable to his troops, right?"

Startled silent by her usually taciturn commander's sudden willingness to divulge personal information, the earnest sergeant-major just nodded, "Yes, sir."

"Then sit down."

Smoker gestured with his cigars to the twin divan facing the one he sat upon. As she did as she was bidden he tapped the ashes into the full ashtray before replacing them back between his teeth, taking a long draw and leisurely puffing out gray cannonballs that drifted up and wreathed over his head then billowed out and blended into the existing haze.

"I followed after the Straw Hats, chasing the bastards as they tried to shake me in the crowd at the casino. But it didn't work as I kept following them going through a secret door that turned into a secret passage that had a trap door leading into Crocodile's hideout. So we all fell right into his lair and he put us in a cage."

Tashigi's eyes widened behind her glasses as she was transfixed while Smoker went on…

"It was for me the ultimate irony…to be incarcerated with the pirate gang I was trying to incarcerate myself…a true absurdity. Anyway then Crocodile wanted to team up with me, calling us comrades when I had drawn my sword on Luffy. He said I should go ahead and kill him to save him the trouble and I realized that my obsession to catch the Straw Hats had become something that was turning me into someone I detested…so I let the kid go as all of us became united in circumstance."

Tashigi watched the face of her captain. Since joining the marine force herself and becoming second in command she had spent much of her time observing him. During that time she saw a man that was inscrutable…uncompromising… and unbreakable, instilling fear in not only his platoon but in the citizens of Loguetown; his towering hulk of a body striding through town as if he owned it, laying down the law and meting out punishment even death with no hesitation or doubt in judgment. No matter the situation Captain Smoker was unfazed but this time something had altered him. As she saw him veiled in the gray wisps floating about Tashigi saw a man who still appeared indestructible but now had a very distinct chink in his armor. Instead of being arrogant he appeared reticent, reflective; and his eyes were haunted, almost sad. And she could tell that it was a feeling neither familiar nor understood by him and that he abhorred it.

"So sir, how did you all finally escape?" she asked quietly.

Smoker took another deep draw from his cigars and then puffed out the smoke slowly as if trying to fortify himself for the next phase of his tale. He appeared pensive as he continued, "Crocodile, demon that he was took pleasure in taunting us, waving the key that locked us in before the cage as he slid open the floor and dropped it into the water of the moat where all his little pets were waiting. The SOB had us over a barrel and he knew it. Then it got ugly when who should show up but Princess Vivi of Alabasta…and it turned out she had a bond with Luffy and the Straw Hats. She tried to get us sprung but Crocodile nearly killed her, setting one of the monster crocs after her. The place was filling up with water because it was getting wrecked by that thing, swinging its tail around as it tried to get her. The next thing I know she escaped and Crocodile was leaving us there with the water flooding in when the princess returned with a guy named 'Mr. Prince' but turned out to be the Straw Hat Sanji. He kicked the crap out of those crocs…literally. Then as if it couldn't get weirder, one of the crocs expelled a ball…a Doru Doru ball and out pops Crocodile's flunky, Mr. 3 to finish us off. But Sanji beat him and just as we got out, the cracks gave way and the place was flooded."

Tashigi then watched as Smoker's face became darker, his teeth tightly gripping the cigars as he seemed to spit out the following words as if they made him sick. "After that, the water flooded everything and I…lost consciousness. Because of that damn Fruit of Billow Billow, my great power I nearly met my end…but for the Straw Hat, former pirate hunter, Roronoa Zoro…"

"Zoro? Are you saying sir, that Roronoa Zoro…saved your life?" Tashigi's obsidian eyes were wide as saucers.

"Yeah."

Smoker leaned his head back and stared above, puffing away as if trying to create a covering of smoke to blot out the memory and trying to avoid coming to grips with the fact that it was Zoro who pulled him ashore, gasping for breath. As he had come to, he realized that the pirate gang that had been his enemies had rescued him. It was why when his troops found him he had ordered them to let the Straw Hats go and it was something that he, who had never been considered weak or dependent on anyone or who when an enemy was defeated, finished the job with an execution could not help marveling. And it also made him come to realize that justice did not necessarily dwell on one side exclusively…

_Honor among thieves…_

From where she sat Tashigi was silent as the only sound in the office was the faint hiss of the coals of her captain's cigars as he continued puffing them and the sound of his breath blowing out the smoke. But as she observed his granite expression she could see that he was attempting to accept his newly exposed susceptibility…a hard thing for a man like the invincible Captain Smoker to do. So she felt compelled to help him in a way that he would receive it…

She rose slowly and said, "Sir, honor and justice are not platitudes…they are standards of good men who may not be on the same side in everything. But I think we both know that the Straw Hats defeat of Crocodile and Baroque Works put them on our side, which is why you refused to take the credit from Commander Hina, right?"

"Humph." Smoker grunted and said grudgingly, "You read me pretty well, huh sergeant-major." He squinted lazily at her through the thick air.

Tashigi hesitated in responding until she saw her captain's smirk, the first sign of his lightened mood. "Yes, sir," she said with a sharp salute. "Like you said before, a good commander is accountable to his troops."

Smoker studied his second in command and made his inventory. She could be a little careless and downright clumsy at times. But when things got serious in battle there was nobody more reliable or that he trusted more than the earnest girl before him, her fighting skills were on par with his own. _The kid's alright but it would be nice if she'd allow herself to live the life of a normal girl once in a while…I'd really like to see that…_

He stood up and returned the salute and said crisply, "Well done, sergeant-major."

"Sir?" Tashigi asked, perplexed as he placed a meaty hand on her shoulder.

"I think you should go and take liberty as well. I have reports to turn in." Smoker stated as he met her surprised expression.

"But sir you left me in charge--," she protested but her captain was adamant.

"Tashigi, that's an order," Smoker snapped as he turned, headed to his desk and took a seat, firmly back at the helm.

She gazed at her commander and saw a changed man, a man with a new sense of his humanity, flaws and all…and most importantly his acknowledgment of the discovery. She smiled and nodded.

"Yes, sir." Tashigi headed for the door.

"And one more thing." Smoker rose up to address the sergeant-major.

She turned and inquired, "Sir?"

He said quietly, "Thank you."

Her face lit up and she answered, "Any time, sir."

"Go have some fun."

"Yes sir."

Tashigi turned and exited and Smoker watched her leave, feeling a measure of affection for his second. _Yeah she's a good kid…and she's right. _He strode over to the window and threw open the panes, letting the fresh air in as the once trapped cigar smoke swirled out like a fog fading away, the room and his mind now clear once again.

**END**


End file.
